“I want my diaper changed. ”
It was 8:30 am. I heard my two-year-old son talking to my husband in the living room, while I was sitting at my desk praying to God for some fresh words for the day.
I knew right away that my husband would need some help in getting the diaper from the bedroom where our baby girl was sleeping. I didn’t want my son to wake up Esther by following one of us to the room.
Interrupted, I had to pause my waiting-on-God-to-speak-to-me posture, leave my desk, and gingerly walk into the room to fetch the diaper, worrying about what the creaking sound of the wooden floor might do.
Then, Esther cried. The baby was awake.
Aww, frustration streamed down all over me. I managed to refrain my feelings and hold my tongue. After I did what needed to be done at that moment (with my husband’s help), I sit back at my desk, pouring out feelings to God, asking Him for comfort and wisdom.
11:00 am. Caleb finished watching the cartoon of the day. Esther was happily playing with some baby rattles on the blanket. I decided to play some piano.
Well, I can’t really play. I’m trying to learn to play piano from an App. We bought this electronic piano before Esther was born, and I hadn’t touched it ever since Esther arrived.
So I thought, today is the day. Caleb was very excited. Of course, he couldn’t wait to touch the keyboard and make his own melody. For a toddler, there’s nothing wrong with it per se, except I simply couldn’t follow the App on my phone by hitting the right keys with Caleb joining in. And I did want to practice it properly for once!
Interrupted and frustrated, I reacted by rushing Caleb away. The opposite of patience. The opposite of love.
I remembered the scripture God led me to read earlier this morning at my desk. John 15:1-11
- This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
- If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love.
- Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit.
- By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit.
- If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
- These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
No matter it’s being interrupted in my prayer time or playing piano, I realized that much of my frustration comes from the urge to defending my time to do the things I want. When I’m in this self-defensive mode, it’s hard to love the person in front of me.
By defending the time of waiting on God for a word of encouragement, I forget that God is with me in every moment. He is there to help me whenever I need help.
By defending the time of doing things that refresh myself, I forget that God is the giver of my desires, the provider of my needs.
I can’t abide in Christ without surrendering my time to Him for the sake of love. At the end of the day, what I want is the joy found in Christ. Don’t we all want that lasting joy? Isn’t this what the whole world is seeking after? Except so often in the wrong places.
4:00 pm. We came back home from a quick walk. I was tired. A couple of rough nights with a crying baby make you tired. An idea of taking a hot bath with essential oil came to mind. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I took one. I checked with my husband if it was ok with him watching the kids for an hour while I took a bath. He gladly said, yes.
The bath was relaxing, refreshing, restorative, and joyful, precisely what I needed. I used the mixture of geranium and ylang ylang essential oil if you must know. It surely worked wonder. And I didn’t demand it or defend my time for it. I simply asked.
“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ”
I can’t fully comprehend the meaning of this scripture. But I have come to a stronger belief that, if we reframe the gesture of our heart with what love has to say, we are claiming our dwelling in the Kingdom of abundance and joy, where we get to experience “God is our shepherd, we shall not want,” here and now.